This is the most soul-baring entry I've ever written.

Writting new songs are like having babies.
They're so much freaking trouble but when you're in the process or grooming growing to learn to love it, how to dress it up in things the suit them best....
I haven't written a decent song since j-tusk,
and that was ages ago... alomst two years... what have I been doing?

Sometimes I feel like I've missed the plot.
Trying to fit in all the time,
feeling sorry for myself and feeling like a failure when I've got no one to call on the phone,
Staring at it waiting and knowing it won't ring unless it's kind of work related.
I can't complain that's what phone's are phone right?
I console myself by pretending it's all okay. When inside I tear myself apart.
I try to fall in love with all the wrong people just to get inspired to write.
I'm coughing again. I listen back to what I've got.
I start to cry, praying and wishing I didn't feel nothing.
As much as I tell myself feeling lie and feelings are only feelings,
I can't help but keep on going.
My insides are full of sorrow, pain, guilt, hate and anger.
At the same time, Love rattles of my assumed emptiness and resounds every part of my being and I know I'll be okay.
I've always been. Slowly I'll get up all over again.
It's not a cycle, not a vicious cycle I used to think I was running,
I appreciate the emotions I let myself crash into because I know eventually that I learnt from it.
Now I know I can't be ashamed of who I am,
I can't be afraid to think and wanting to do things the way I want to do them.
I can't keep acting strong because acting is what keeps my mental being on that sick cycle. When I really am moving on,
not even knowing it.
Time isn't going to wait for me to learn.
Either I learn it all now while I can,
and even then, time isn't going to wait.
I know, he told me.
So why not love?
To everyone I know,
everyone who reads this,
If I yell, all I mean is to talk...
If i'm nice, then accept it,
some people on this planet actually want to just be nice.
Tom, dick, harry,
someone I dance with, sing with, work with, talk to,
walk with, look at, touch, smile at, smile with, write with,
know or don't know...
I love you.
I love you all more than you or even I know.
Never feel like you're alone.
I may not be able to help everyone, but I can love everyone.
I'm trying and I'm learning.
Will you let me in?