the art of patience

moods are not something one can predict.
sure it's something we can all encourage, provoke sometimes even prevent.
if there's one emotion i'm adment about staying away from,
it's anger.
it's like a germ that's so ugly and selfish you don't even see it.
i'm not saying i'm a saint and i've never been angry,
Lord knows i'm human.
But I can hold my ground and I know I at least think
before letting it overtake me and giving in to it's ways of which i so
sickeningly speak about.
What I can't understand is how easily we buy into this emotion.
Simple temptations make it almost as if it were our own free will to slip back into the skin of someone who can swear, yell, hold no accountability to what we say.
i wonder, do I even think when I'm in that mode?
My tears are slightly bluring my vision,
how, can you say such things and expect them to be forgotten the next morning?
within the hour?
it's not so simply done.
the complexity of it all is that when your words are so kind,
they're so easy to accept,
and when they get so harsh, i create the illusion that you're just angry and don't know what the hell you're talking about.
but maybe I'm wrong, and yes, maybe you're right.
I'm wrong to place different level of importance on the words you say,
according to how they affect me.
But I can't help but think that maybe you can't get away.
from the person you used to be.
from the person I so despised.
You run away when you can't deal with something,
I guess I get that from you.
I want to love you so much,
but when you're angry you just dig deeper into a barrel of hateful words,
scraping out every one, more and more hurtful words,
trying to cover the hurt you might've created with the last.
and when it's done you think you can kiss my cheek and just like that
it'll all just go away.

I've never pretended to be strong.
well at least I don't anymore.
because I want you to know,
that it cuts me,
that it affects me,
that you have the power to do things like that to me
and you can make me feel exactly the way you want me to feel.
but i won't disrespect you,
I'll try to agree with you,
because the Bible does say,
Honor your father and mother.