inspired, emotional and drunk.

Japanese songs inspire me.
I type a whole load of crap when I'm really tired
(it's actually really entertaining to read back)
I can't wait for school to be over
I'm waiting for someone to contact me.

Why are the most seemingly easy n simple things in life so difficult?
why do I feel the way I do now?
I love the friends i have. and I finally have the chance to belong somewhere.
really be part of a real group.
do something full time.
i need that right?
i mean right?
and it's making me so happy.
i really am.
but i miss so many of the simple things.
you know.. you compromise the depth of friendship in order to obtain mass not to in-depth friendships.
I love but i wanna love more...

my sisters think i don't eat. which annoys me because i love food. i was so upset that i didn't eat my uncle's birthday chocolate cake! what the heck right?
sometimes i don't know what's running through my head.
my period is definately coming.
what is wrong with me.
i wanna have a hangover and feel so sick that all i wanna do it sleep.
i wanna fall ill good grief. what do i have to do to take a break?!??!!?!
there's so much i wanna do,
so much i wanna say,
someone i wanna say it all to.
is anybody out there?


i close my eyes,
and I'm in a place so comfotable,
I force myself from moving in fear I'll make a dent in the fragile walls of my imagination.
I cry a little but not enough for the tears to react to gravity.
i lean my head up and look at an imaginary sky.
Thinking of what I have to do.. work... school... problems i need to deal with...
suddenly i'm slumping in my chair,
waiting for another break.
staring at my bloody phone waiting for you message.
but it doesn't come.
it never comes.
maybe i'm accustomed to the disappointment
music gets me so emotional.
my soul is sad.
my heart doesn't comprehend,
how can i be so childish? expecting such.
walk home alone,
to the dead air, i sigh.
and wait for time to pass.
maybe i'll wake up to a better day.
so i close my eyes once again,
and travel slowly to my hiding place.


Note: I am currently under the influence of alcohol.